ADHD parenting – Part 1

ADHD Parenting: What I Wish I’d Known as a Late-Diagnosed Mum

Are you an ADHD parent of an ADHD child? If so… I see you. And I feel you.

ADHD parenting brings a unique kind of intensity, because it’s not just about supporting your child — it’s also about managing your own executive function challenges at the same time.

Living ADHD Parenting Without Knowing It

My two children weren’t diagnosed with ADHD until they were teenagers — and that’s when the penny dropped for me too. Until then, I was parenting without a roadmap, wondering why everything felt so hard. Here’s what I now recognise were signs of ADHD parenting in action:

  • We were constantly late, because I always tried to squeeze in just one more thing.

  • Tantrums overwhelmed me — because they triggered my own emotional reaction.

  • I spent hours making an ice-cream van cake for a 2-year-old (why did I not just buy the caterpillar one?!).

  • I took my husband’s casual “What’ve you been up to today?” as deeply critical.

  • I often nagged, then snapped — and then felt horrible.

  • Our ADHD children couldn’t retain more than one instruction at a time.

  • On film nights, the children wouldn’t sit still, and always ended up on the floor.

  • They’d leave a trail of clues across the house showing exactly what they’d touched since walking through the door.

  • School reports were filled with behaviour “incidents” and detentions.

Now that my kids are adults, we’ve learned that three out of five of us in our family are neurodivergent. Naming our ADHD has been transformative — for self-awareness, compassion, and growth.

From Chaos to Coaching: What Changed

Today, I’m an ADHD coach supporting other parents and young adults navigating similar paths. Looking back, I can now recognise the unhelpful patterns and be more compassionate about my many mistakes.

As one of my ADHD kids once told me:

“Look back — but don’t stare.”

So here’s what I’d share with my younger, struggling self — and what I share with clients today navigating the wild world of ADHD parenting.

🌟 ADHD Parenting Tips That Really Help

1. Ditch the Shame

Shame says you are bad, not just that you did something wrong. It’s paralysing and unhelpful.

“I can’t believe I lost my temper again. I’m a terrible parent.”

Sound familiar? That spiral doesn’t help us or our children.

Tip: Try to separate your identity from your actions. You’re human. You’re learning. And that’s okay.

2. Let Go of the Judgment

Instead of harsh self-talk, try neutral observation. Pretend you’re watching a video of the situation.

“I notice I lost my temper again this morning.”
“I notice we were late because Freddie couldn’t find his book bag.”

As ADHD coach Jeff Coppa says:

“Observe and don’t judge.”

Tip: Releasing judgment doesn’t mean we’re letting ourselves off the hook. It just removes the self-attack and opens up room for actual problem-solving.

3. Get Curious

Now that you’re not beating yourself up, you can ask more helpful questions:

“What was the final straw that tipped me over?”
“Could a simple hook near the door help Freddie remember his bag?”
“What would make it easier for all of us to stay on track in the mornings?”

Tip: Curiosity is a powerful tool. Use it to explore your own behaviours — this invites your child to being to do the same.

4. Say Sorry (and Mean It)

Apologising doesn’t undermine your authority — it builds trust.

“I’m sorry I shouted this morning. I know that was upsetting. Let’s figure out how to make mornings less stressful.”

Tip: Even if your children are grown, it’s never too late to apologise for old mistakes. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I aim to keep the slate as clear as I can –  repairing as early as possible.

Looking Ahead: Healing Through Honesty

ADHD parenting can feel messy, overwhelming, and full of self-doubt. But with awareness, support, and self-compassion, it also offers a path to deep connection and growth — for both you and your children.

💬 Coming Soon on the Blog:

  • Parenting From Scratch: Breaking the cycle of how we were parented to do it differently (without going to the opposite extreme!)

  • Addressing specific ADHD challenges – such as morning and evening routines 

And if there’s something you’d like to hear about, drop me a message — I love writing about what matters to you.

💡 Want Personalised ADHD Parenting Support?

I offer 1:1 ADHD coaching for parents and young adults navigating neurodivergence in daily life. Head to Free Your Space to find out more or book a free intro call.